The day was filled with a few good news of sorts.
And especially one in the night about an hour ago, when a friend dropped an email through Facebook.
That got me looking forward to the days to come.
:-)
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
Friday, February 24, 2012
After all this while, I'm still the same
All this while up till last week, I was afraid of letting her know how I feel. Always feeling that it was not the right time to do so. Perhaps like every other guy, it was the rejection that I feared. Over the past months, I thought we had grown closer, with all the 'common stuff' that we did, sudden dinners together, all those times that I sent her home. Yeah, it felt exclusive for me.
I remembered New Year's Eve. When the plan was to meet up with a few other friends for dinner and head out to catch fireworks, ended up with only the 2 of us having Popeye's dinner for 2 and catching the 9.30pm movie. On New Year's Eve! And then sending her home just before the stroke of midnight. I remembered those words clearly she sent over Whatsapp, which gave me a glimmer of hope that things might be possible. Only to find out a few weeks after that, she had forgotten what she had sent. I remembered when she went overseas, and gotten a prepaid card for her mobile. I was the first to receive a Whatsapp msg from her. At least... i think i was.
So things went on until last week, which I thought i'd make use of 14th Feb as the occasion to let her know. Nevermind that we didn't meet on that day, since there isn't anything between us yet. Officially. I'm all prepared for a rejection. I suppose it can't be all that bad since the intention i had was to only let her know how i feel. And not really asking for any reciprocation from her. Giving her that card got me mustering up quite a bit of balls to do it. But yeah, ultimately it's still the fear of how she will respond after reading the card. I want to think to myself that I can handle it. After all, the intention was to let her know how i feel. Nothing more than that. Although, deep inside I do wish for a possibility between us.
My fear came true after the weekend, when she stopped replying my msgs and turned quiet. This was exactly the same feeling/respond I gotten from her a few years back. I was kidding myself when I thought we got back again the second time, perhaps it's possible between us.
I was distressed for a few days. Laughed at myself for saying once before that, "Never again I'd look for love! But to let love look for me instead."
Once again, I fell into it, and then got myself hurt.
Perhaps there's a misunderstanding between us. A possibility which i wished there is. I chose to believe that there is a misunderstanding. I would rather be pessimistic about it. At least it would hurt that much more if I'm right. Looking at the places she been, the person she was with... it is hardly a coincidence that they would check in at the same place for a number of times over the last few weeks. Perhaps the painful part of such social media apps is that I get to see the posts especially when everyone is a contact in my mobile device.
The pain's mostly subsided again. And then now resentment ebbs in. Resenting her for how she's responding to me, and resenting how I got myself into such a situation once again.
I feel better not knowing what she's been up to, where she's been with who. I will rather not confront her and ask her for an explanation. Will it help? Or is it better to leave certain issues unsaid?
I see myself back to square one.
Then again, maybe not. Perhaps a tad wiser, and getting over takes a much short time now.
I remembered New Year's Eve. When the plan was to meet up with a few other friends for dinner and head out to catch fireworks, ended up with only the 2 of us having Popeye's dinner for 2 and catching the 9.30pm movie. On New Year's Eve! And then sending her home just before the stroke of midnight. I remembered those words clearly she sent over Whatsapp, which gave me a glimmer of hope that things might be possible. Only to find out a few weeks after that, she had forgotten what she had sent. I remembered when she went overseas, and gotten a prepaid card for her mobile. I was the first to receive a Whatsapp msg from her. At least... i think i was.
So things went on until last week, which I thought i'd make use of 14th Feb as the occasion to let her know. Nevermind that we didn't meet on that day, since there isn't anything between us yet. Officially. I'm all prepared for a rejection. I suppose it can't be all that bad since the intention i had was to only let her know how i feel. And not really asking for any reciprocation from her. Giving her that card got me mustering up quite a bit of balls to do it. But yeah, ultimately it's still the fear of how she will respond after reading the card. I want to think to myself that I can handle it. After all, the intention was to let her know how i feel. Nothing more than that. Although, deep inside I do wish for a possibility between us.
My fear came true after the weekend, when she stopped replying my msgs and turned quiet. This was exactly the same feeling/respond I gotten from her a few years back. I was kidding myself when I thought we got back again the second time, perhaps it's possible between us.
I was distressed for a few days. Laughed at myself for saying once before that, "Never again I'd look for love! But to let love look for me instead."
Once again, I fell into it, and then got myself hurt.
Perhaps there's a misunderstanding between us. A possibility which i wished there is. I chose to believe that there is a misunderstanding. I would rather be pessimistic about it. At least it would hurt that much more if I'm right. Looking at the places she been, the person she was with... it is hardly a coincidence that they would check in at the same place for a number of times over the last few weeks. Perhaps the painful part of such social media apps is that I get to see the posts especially when everyone is a contact in my mobile device.
The pain's mostly subsided again. And then now resentment ebbs in. Resenting her for how she's responding to me, and resenting how I got myself into such a situation once again.
I feel better not knowing what she's been up to, where she's been with who. I will rather not confront her and ask her for an explanation. Will it help? Or is it better to leave certain issues unsaid?
I see myself back to square one.
Then again, maybe not. Perhaps a tad wiser, and getting over takes a much short time now.
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Reminiscing comfort foods
Just last evening, I went to my favourite coffee shop to look for my comfort food. Something I always do whenever I feel down and feel like pigging out. I remembered it was only like yesterday when I posted a similar entry in this blog.
Went looking for that entry tonight and found it here.
And I realised it's been almost 2 years ago when I posted that.
How time flies.
Same same yet different.
And I realised it's been almost 2 years ago when I posted that.
How time flies.
Same same yet different.
Tuesday, November 01, 2011
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
a new cosy cot
I bade farewell to my old mattress today. And the new one sorta came as a surprise.
Apparently my mum and dad went out shopping 3 weeks ago because Seahorse had a 50% off for all mattresses. They wanted to keep it as a surprise so none of them mentioned anything until earlier this evening when I got home and saw the old mattress in the living room.
Initially they had only wanted to get one just for me. However, the free delivery is only entitled to purchases over $700. So they ended up getting one for themselves as well. And a couple of mattress covers and protectors along with it.
Well my first reaction was actually feeling bad about it had they bought just my mattress. I felt better when my dad told me that they got one for themselves too. At least, they get something for themselves too and not always about me, well.. that's how i felt.
Come to think of it, i had been sleeping on the old mattress for the past 15 years or so. Perhaps that's why i felt so nostalgic about it since it had been with me for half my life so far.
I won't say i'm not appreciative of what my mum and dad had done for me. I'm feeling rather grateful right now. Can't wait to try out the new Seahorse brand firm mattress.. haha!
The feeling is weird, I can never handle surprises very well.
Apparently my mum and dad went out shopping 3 weeks ago because Seahorse had a 50% off for all mattresses. They wanted to keep it as a surprise so none of them mentioned anything until earlier this evening when I got home and saw the old mattress in the living room.
Initially they had only wanted to get one just for me. However, the free delivery is only entitled to purchases over $700. So they ended up getting one for themselves as well. And a couple of mattress covers and protectors along with it.
Well my first reaction was actually feeling bad about it had they bought just my mattress. I felt better when my dad told me that they got one for themselves too. At least, they get something for themselves too and not always about me, well.. that's how i felt.
Come to think of it, i had been sleeping on the old mattress for the past 15 years or so. Perhaps that's why i felt so nostalgic about it since it had been with me for half my life so far.
I won't say i'm not appreciative of what my mum and dad had done for me. I'm feeling rather grateful right now. Can't wait to try out the new Seahorse brand firm mattress.. haha!
The feeling is weird, I can never handle surprises very well.
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